we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
