dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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