My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
