my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
