Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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