i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
