There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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