Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
