i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Panties = found
Randomize
