I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
