Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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