So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
