im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
