I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
