I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
