My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
