This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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