Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
