She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
