oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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