We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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