Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
