On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize