Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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