Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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