and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize