He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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