the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
