No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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