I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
