Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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