I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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