i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
