Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
