she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
