yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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