Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
