i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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