I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
