The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
