oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
