How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize