Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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