she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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