I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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