What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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