i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
