i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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