I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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