we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
