Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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