We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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