i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
