So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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