I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
