If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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