saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
