Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
