My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We need to rekindle our bromance
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Randomize
