Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was born a porn star she said
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
