Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
