I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
