I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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