just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
