We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize