You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
