Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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