3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Couch. On fire.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
