i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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