That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
no, he came in my armpit
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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