finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
